Secrets
by E.Sign
Summary: Kate Beckett has always considered herself a strong, independent, self reliant woman. She is not a coward. But as she stares at the phone in her hand she knows that it's all a ruse. When it comes down to it, professionally she is a bad ass detective who looks fear in the face and challenges it straight on, personally, not so much. ... Story reworked and reposted. AU
1. Chapter 1

Author's notes: This story was originally posted a while back, but I got stuck. So I've taken it down and reworked it. I have a clear direction in my mind now.

It's AU. Timeline: starting after the season 1 finale. Assume Kate and Rick were in a relationship season 1. Your constructive criticism and feedback it is greatly appreciated as I am rather new to writing. However, if you want to bash it, keep it to yourself. Hope you like it.

2. I am not a doctor, so any mistakes are mine. Just go with it for the sake of the story. As one slightly famous once said, "Don't ruin my story with your logic."

Richard Castle stares at the blinking curser willing it to move across the page on its own fruition. But it's useless. He feels useless. He slams the lap top closed and pushes himself out of his desk.

He had killed off his golden goose, Derrick Storm, with the hope of bringing to life a new character. And he had. Nikki Heat was vibrant, sexy, and smart. She was everything he was looking for and she came with a real life inspiration, Detective Kate Beckett, NYPD. Kate was different from any other muse he had worked with before. There was a mystery around her, a softness that lay hidden under her tough exterior. He had seen it shine through a couple of times and the result was a brilliant smile that lit up her eyes like sparkling embers. And those small glimpses into her soul had urged him into exploring every facet of her being. He didn't just want to know her, he wanted to understand her inside and out.

And it didn't help that she was hot. The immediate attraction between the two of them was undeniable. And he knew she had felt it too. The electrical charge behind that first kiss, the way she came apart in his arms time and time again. A simple touch and he was ready to combust.

Things had been going so well until he unequivocally screwed it all up with his inability to stay out of her personal life. She had kicked him to the curb without a second thought and with that, the inspiration for Nikki Heat along with it. So instead he had returned to his safety net, and spun off a series based on Clara Strike. They had done well, his publisher was happy, the money was good, but now it was done. He was done. He needed to move on.

He rubs his hand over the week old stubble in frustration. At this point, who is he kidding? It's more like a beard. He needs to shave and shower; he thinks as a takes a whiff of the shirt he is wearing. What he needs is a plan. Perhaps he should get out a bit, explore the city, and seek out the inspiration instead of waiting for it to come to him. Alexis. He would start with his daughter. Maybe she would be up for a movie night later. He knows she worries about him. She always worried when he was in a funk. He needs to get it together, if not for him then for her. His mind made up, he sets down his computer and picks up his phone to call his daughter. As he swipes his finger across the call button and hears a voice call out from the other end.

XXX

Kate Beckett has always considered herself a strong, independent, self reliant woman. She is not a coward. But as she stares at the phone in her hand she knows that it's all a ruse. When it comes down to it, professionally she is a bad ass detective who looks fear in the face and challenges it straight on, personally, not so much. She is just as scared and needy as the next person. She knows without a reasonable doubt that the phone call she is about to make will change her life forever. It is possibly going to be her salvation and her damnation. Because Kate Beckett had learned a long time ago, that actions have consequences. And oh boy, the clichés are coming out now. The road to hell is paved with good intentions.

"Castle?" Rick doesn't recognize the number, but the voice has an oddly familiar ring to it.

"Yes, who's this?" For a moment he is tempted to hang up. It wouldn't be the first time some diehard fan has gotten a hold of his number. God he hopes it isn't the case; he really doesn't want to go through the trouble of changing his number, _again_.

"It's Kate.., Kate Beckett." She holds her breath half expecting to hear the click of the disconnecting line. When she doesn't, she takes it as a good sign and barrels on. "I know it's been a while..."

"Almost four years, _Detective_..." He interrupts. She doesn't miss the acerbity in his tone, but decides to ignore it for now. She swallows determined to carry on.

"I know I have no right to ask anything from you at this point, but... do you... would you be willing to meet with me?"

"If I recall correctly, the last time we spoke you were quite clear you never wanted to see me again." He challenges. The hostility in his voice surprising even him. He wants to take it back immediately a part of him rejoicing at hearing her voice again. But the other part, the one is jaded and if he is honest a little hurt, urges him to stay quiet.

She should have known he would be angry. Hell, she's still angry at him for being such a meddling fool. Why couldn't he have left things alone? Now she's a little piqued as well. Not sure if it's at the hurt that the memory of his betrayal still causes her, or at the fact that the bitterness in his voice gets to her. She closes her eyes, settling herself before proceeding.

"Look, Castle. I wouldn't be asking if this wasn't important."

"Beckett, I don't think..."

"Please, Rick. It's ... just ...please. Give me a chance to explain." She interrupts before he can finish his thoughts. She isn't beyond begging at this point.

'_Rick?' _If she is using his first name things are definitely serious he thinks. He can count on one hand the number of times she's called him Rick. And _Damn it_. With those two words alone '_please Rick'_, he's done, sucked back into her vortex.

"Fine, when and where?" Resigned, he agrees.

"New York Presbyterian, 8th floor. One hour?"

XXX

Castle isn't sure what he had expected when he walked off the elevator on the 8th floor an hour later. But it sure isn't the colorful pictures children's handprints adorning the walls. He is so taken back that he is about to step back into the elevator to make sure he had gotten off on the right floor when he spots her. She has her back to him, her arms crossed against her chest as she listens to whatever information the doctor is currently giving her. Her hair is longer, a bit lighter as well, he can tell, but he would recognize those long legs and that ass anywhere. Images of their last time together swirl through his mind, and he has to physically shake himself to remove the memory. He isn't sure if it is the ring of the elevator or the fact that he can still feel the electricity between them even at this distance that has clued her in to his presence, but suddenly, she is turning around and staring at him. A flash of what appears to be relief flashes across her face. _Hum? What was that about, he thinks? Had she thought he wouldn't show?_ Whatever it was disappears as quickly as it appears. And then she is walking towards him, the smile he had dreamt about so many times staring back at him. Wow. After all this time, she can still take his breath away.

Kate turns at the sound of the elevator and her heart stops. He's here. She wants to run across the room and jump into his arms. She wants him to hold her and tell her everything is going to be ok. She wants to be anywhere but here about to bring his world crashing down. She's missed him. She can admit that to herself freely now as she takes him in. He looks good. He's got that bad boy persona going on with the scruffy beard. Oh how she loved the feel of that beard against her skin. _Kate, get a hold of yourself_. She mentally reprimands herself. She needs to get it together quickly. He's looking at her now with that mega watt smile and it takes every inch of effort to put one foot in front of the other and move forward. He may be smiling at her now but she knows the goodwill won't last long after she speaks with him.

"Hey."

"Hey." They both say in way of greeting.

"Castle, thank you for coming." Kate states. She stops herself a few feet from him digging her hands into her back pockets to stop herself from hugging him. They don't hug anymore. She made that decision for them a long time ago. Castle seems to sense her hesitation as he nods to her in greeting and offers her one of the coffees he holds in his hands.

"Thanks." She says again raising her cup in salute and taking a sip. Perfect, just the way she likes it. It is good to see things haven't changed all that much. Perhaps things wouldn't be so bad.

"You remembered?" She asks referring to her coffee order.

"I never forgot." He states simply. His stare is too intense and she drops her gaze. She knows he is not only referring to her coffee.

"You look good." They both say simultaneously and then laugh nervously.

"Castle." She begins hesitantly. " I... I need your help."

"Yes, I figured as much, Detective. We haven't spoken in almost 4 years so this must be big. Don't tell me I have another copy cat killer? Because, as honored as I am at the attention, it's been done. You know the drill. You can contact Paula and she'll get you my fan mail..."

"Castle." She interrupts reaching out to grab his arm and his full attention. "This is personal, not work related."

"Oh, so you finally realized that you couldn't live without seeing my ruggedly handsome face again?" he jokes wiggling his eyebrows.

"Rick, focus please. This is important." Seeing her again is scrambling his brain. Her scent is bringing back unwanted memories of their times together. Her touch is sending little shock waves through his body. It is a sensory overload of Kate Beckett and it's too much. So he is reverting back to his old coping mechanism in hopes of distancing himself from her. At the sound of her tone, however, he takes a step back releasing his arm from her grasp.

"Ok, Beckett, I can see this is serious. But, I don't understand. What are we doing _here?_" He looks around the hospital waiting room confusion crossing across his features. They are in a waiting room with lounge chairs and a toy box in the corner, and the TV is currently playing an episode of the wiggles. The children's ward then, Castle notices increasingly perplexed.

"Let's go down the hall. There's a little chapel were we can talk in private." Kate starts down the hall expecting Castle to follow. When she notices he hasn't moved, she turns to address him over her shoulder.

"You coming, Castle?"

"Not until you tell me, what's going on, Kate." He says standing his ground. She turns and walks back to him again.

"I promise, I'll tell you everything, just not here, Ok? " They are quite for a second. He holds her gaze and looks into the swirling pool of her eyes trying to read her expression. But her guard is up and all he can see is the steely determination he has admired so often in her before. A part of him wants to turn around and run. He doesn't need any further distractions at this point in his life. What he needs is simple and uncomplicated. And Kate Beckett is anything but uncomplicated. The other part of him, the writer wants, no, needs the story. Why after all these years has she reached out to him? As if sensing his dilemma, Kate places her hand on his chest.

"Please?" Again, what's with the begging? Who's he kidding? He could never say no to her. And so he nods his assent.

Kate smile lights up her face as she lets out the breath she didn't know she was holding. _God, that smile_. He would follow her anywhere as long as she continued to smile like that he thought.

This time he follows as she leads the way down the hall to small room, the chapel she had referred too and takes a seat towards the back. Castle notices the picture of saints, the cross at the front, and the pews where people can come and contemplate, pray or just have a moment to themselves. It's currently empty, quiet, dimly lit, and peaceful. He's never been very religious but he can see the appeal this room might hold for those with a lot on their mind. And once again he wonders why Kate has brought them here. Never the less, he joins her, taking the seat next to her, waiting for her to begin. She clearly has a lot on her mind. When she doesn't speak, he begins unable to hold back any longer.

"Beckett, if this is about your mom's case and you want help all you have to do is ask. You know that, right?"

She looks at him then really looks at him, and he sees the flicker of pain dash across her eyes, but in a moment it is gone. "It's not about my mom... but thanks. " She lowers her gaze again. He waits for her to continue, sees her biting her bottom lip, and has to stop himself from reaching across and rescuing it. This isn't the Detective Kate Beckett he is used to, the tough-as-nails detective that could block out her feelings at a whim. She is not here at the moment. The woman before him is vulnerable; he can see the weight of her worry on her sagging shoulders. And when she looks up at him the tears she is fighting to hold back are making her eyes glisten. He wonders what is behind the change and if it's the reason for her summons. He wants to reach out and hold her, but instead he sits, and using his very last ounce of restraint waits for her to continue.

"I..." She begins, stops, swallows and then continues..."I have a son, Castle. He turned three in October." Oh, so not what he was expecting her to say. He knew when they broke up that Will Sorensen was potentially back in the picture. Perhaps she had gone back to him after all.

" I don't understand. What does this have to do with me, and why did you ask me to come? Is this about Will?" A look of confusion flashes across her face.

"Will?" She asks perplexed.

" Sorensen." He replies. "Is the child Will's?"

"No, Castle, Will is not the father." She leaves it hanging, waiting for him to catch up to her. A look of understanding registers and then is replaced by anger. He grabs her arm, forcing her to look at him.

"What are you saying, Kate?" She means to stand up, but his grip on her arm is keeping her immobile. "Answer me!" He yells.

"Keep your voice down." She commands shrugging out of his grasp and standing to pace the room, fingers combing through her hair.

"I never intended it to work out like this." She starts and then stops in front of him. He is up now backing into her space.

"Kate, are you telling me the boy is mine?" He hisses, not sure what he wants her to respond. She simply nods. And then he is furious.

"Kate, you know about my childhood. You know I grew up without a father. You know what that did to me. And now you are telling me that I have son? A little boy who's been growing up fatherless? How could you do that to me? How could you deny me that?" The hurt in his voice is too much and she has to look away, then down to at the floor anywhere but at him. "Answer me, dam it!" She flinches at his tone. God, this is such a mess. But she owes him an explanation, and she owes it to her son.

"When we broke up..." She starts.

"When _you_ broke it off..." He corrects.

"Ok, fine! " The fire is back. She needs to stay strong; she needs to stay in control of her emotions. She walks forward, backing him away from her personal space. "When _I_ broke it off, it wasn't really about you or what you had done. It was about me and where I was at that point in my life. Just the thought of re opening my mother's case sent me on a tailspin. The first couple of years I was on the force, my mother's case possessed me day and night. When I wasn't dreaming about it, I was fantasying about bringing those bastards to justice. If it wasn't for Montgomery and his insistence that I get professional help, I would have drowned." She pauses wanting to make sure he understands the significance of her statement.

"And, I went and dredged it all up again." She nods. "Fine, I get it. I overstepped. I messed up. But why not tell me that? Why did you push me away?"

"Castle, you were like this beacon of light offering me refuge from that storm. But I couldn't take it. I couldn't be the person you needed without feeling like I was letting my mother down. I was messed up, broken, you didn't need that in your life." She looks at him hoping for understanding.

"And so you found out you were pregnant and left me, as what, punishment for loving you?" She's shocked at his words. _Love?_ But this is not the place and definitely not the right time to discuss that statement. And so she does what she does best, ignores it and continues.

"No! No, I didn't know I was pregnant until after. By the time I found out... the papers were filled with pictures of you and Gina getting back together. It was too late."

"Bullshit, Kate. That's bullshit and you know it. You know I would have done the right thing by you."

"The right thing by me, Castle? What, marriage? We barely knew each other. "

"Kate, we may have only been together a short while, but you know it was more than sex for me. I lo...cared about you." She can hear the honesty in his voice and it makes her shiver. The truth of the matter is that she "cared" about him too, much more than she was willing to admit to herself at the time. And as she stands there before him again, she is having hard time keeping those thoughts to herself. But she has to. This is not about them; this is about Tommy and making things right for him.

"Castle, I didn't bring you here to talk about us."She sighs. Her throat tight with emotion and Castle thinks that she sounds defeated. He is as perplexed with her actions now as he had been 4 years ago.

"Why did you? Why are you telling me this now? I don't understand. You could have kept it to yourself. I would have never known." He challenges.

"Castle, Tommy is sick and I don't know what to do. I can't do this alone anymore." And then she proceeds to breakdown in his arms.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks to all of those who reviewed. Your comments are much appreciated. Also, all mistakes are mine.

Disclaimer: Oh how I wish

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He totally lets her break down, holding her firmly against his chest as her sobs wrack her small frame. A part of him wants to berate himself. He should be furious with her. He should be shaking her and yelling and letting her see what the last four years without her, without the knowledge of a son has done to him. He's missed so much time that he will never get back. That part of him wants to push her away, make her see and feel the hurt that she has caused.

But the other part of him, the hopeless romantic is doing backward flips at the thought of holding her again. He never in his wildest dreams expected to be given another chance. And so his hands continue to rub comforting circles across her back and his chin rest lightly on her head. God, he's missed her so much. Her scent permeates his senses bringing back to him countless memories of their short time together. How much time did they actually have? Two, three month at most, but why does he feel like he lost a lifetime when she walked out on him? And now she tells him they have a son. Wow, it hits him like a ton of bricks. He has a son who is sick and who needs him. And suddenly he's filled with a sense of purpose that he hasn't had in years. He will be strong for him. He will push all these feeling of hurt and disappointment- of missed opportunities to the back and lock them in a box and throw away the key. He can do this. He can focus on a future with his son and if he's lucky and the stars all align, with the mother of his child- always the optimist.

"Hey, hey, it's ok. Kate, look at me." She sniffles trying to bring her emotions back in check.

"I'm sorry, Castle. I'm such a wreck." And when she looks at him with those red rimmed eyes, when he sees the bags under her eyes that no amount of makeup can conceal, when he sees how pronounced her cheek bones are because she is so thin, he truly understands what this is costing her. Because the Detective Kate Beckett he knew would never break down like this- would never let him see any of those vulnerabilities. That Detective Kate Beckett is strong, she's independent, and she's _not_ a mother. And all of a sudden he understands just a little more. This is Kate- Kate who is a scared, needy, a mess. And suddenly the need to know is over whelming him.

"Kate, tell me about him. Tell me about..._Tommy?_"

"Tommy is..." She begins worrying her fingers in the cusp of her thighs. "He's perfect, you know." She smiles at him under her dark lashes her knees softly bumping into his. "He's sooo smart and brave. He loves books and stories..." _like his father,_ but she doesn't say it. "He's also pig headed and stubborn." She laughs at the knowing look Castle throws her. "But above all he's just a good kid. . . He's got my father wrapped around his little finger not to mention the nursing staff here. He's a mini-celebrity." She finishes on a sigh.

"That's my son." Castle beams proudly and Kate has to turn away and choke back a sob.

"Tommy has a rare form of leukemia, Castle. He needs a stem cell transplant. My dad and I... we aren't a match. That's why..." She looks back at him the tears once threatening to spring forward. He can tell it's taking all of her strength to keep it together.

"That's why I am here." He finishes for her. She nods her agreement and instantly sees the hurt flash across his face; his blue eyes blazing with the realization that if son wasn't sick he may have never gotten the chance to know him. What a cruel twist of fate.

Castle runs a hand down his face in frustration. He can feel the color start to rise in his neck as he tries to taper the anger that is threatening to boil over. He paces the room once again, running his hands through his hair. Kate almost smiles at the site of his hair sticking up on its ends- almost. He looks like their son after his bath and the thought makes her suddenly horribly dejected. She had really believed at the time that she was doing the right thing, now as she looks at the man in front her and sees the emotions storming in his eyes: anger, disappointment, betrayal... it makes her realize what a fool she has been. Her shoulders slump in frustration as she turns away from him, thinking about the last time they had been together. He had handed her new evidence in her mother's case, interfered despite her warnings.

"_Castle, you touch my mother's case and we are over."_

In retrospect, she knew that he had done so out of a need to help. But what she had felt then was a sense of utter helplessness and betrayal. One look at that folder and she knew the vortex would swallow her back up. She had spent two years of her life clawing out of that rabbit hole and he had put her back on that precipice. She would jump right back into it- she had no doubt. She would not stop; she could not stop until she had the answers no matter the consequences to herself or to those around her. She had known this then -the indisputable truth of it. And so, when he had insisted, she had pushed him away. This was her cause to fight and she would not drag him into it too- two lives sacrificed were enough.

And so she had licked her wounds, and taken the plunge as she knew she would. But after weeks of dead ends, she began to feel the uselessness of it all. She wasn't eating or sleeping, running on fumes and caffeine. Every free moment was spent looking for new leads that were nonexistent. Until one day, her world had come literally crashing down on her. She remembers running into the warehouse after the suspect, she remembers seeing the crates stacked on all sides, she remembers waking up in the hospital with a horrendous headache and a nurse smiling down on her telling her she would be ok- and so would her baby. The shock, she had been 3 months pregnant and hadn't even known. How could she not have realized it? But that had been her wake up call. The energy she had poured into her mother's investigation would be diverted to the baby growing in her.

So when she had read about Castle's re-launch of the Clara Strike character, when she had seen his smiling face on page 6 of the Ledger with his arms wrapped around his renewed love interest, she had known she would do it alone. He was getting on with his life and he didn't need her broken self or a baby to ruin it for him. Because she had known even then, he would try to fix her. She wasn't the fixing type and when he realized that, he would leave her and she could not deal with the potential consequences of it all. And so she made a pledge to herself. She may have failed at bringing her mother's killer to justice, but she would not fail this child. The bitter irony was that despite all of her efforts to protect her son, to protect her heart, to protect this man from the burden and responsibility of an unplanned pregnancy, she had ended up hurting everyone in the process. She was not enough and she could not win this battle alone.

"Rick, I know you'll never forgive me for keeping him away from you, but I did what I thought was best- at the time." Maybe she can make him understand. She owes him that at least.

"By raising him on your own without me?" He asks incredulously, struggling to keep a tight lid on those emotions he thought he could control. It is much harder to do than he anticipated. "You think that was the best way to go? Honestly, Kate. I thought you had more confidence in me than that. You know that I raised Alexis all by myself and she turned out just fine- better than fine, if I do say so myself." He has to get up- has to move. She's up now too running a frustrated hand through her hair.

"I am not questioning your parenting skills, Castle. I know you are a great father." There is tenderness to her voice now- because she knows the truth of it. She wants him to understand that it isn't about him, it is about her and the insecurities and the demons she used to battled on a daily basis.

"But you and me, Rick? Let's be honest. We were never going to last. I was looking for an excuse to push you away because I couldn't give in to what you were offering. And then what? You said it yourself. You raised Alexis all by yourself. I couldn't take the chance that you would want to do it again." She releases the grip on his arm and turns away from him then, wrapping her arms around herself as she makes her way towards the small alter at the front of the room.

"Kate, I would have never done that." He whispers following in her wake. He takes the taper she is trying to light a candle with from her shaking hands. "You have to know..."

"How do you know?" She interrupts, spinning to glare at him. "How did I know that then? If I couldn't trust you with the one thing I asked you to stay clear of?" She snaps. Wow. He totally didn't see that coming.

"I don't want to fight with you, Rick." She places a conciliatory hand on his chest and looks at him- fighting the urge to touch his face. "I'm sorry. I can see now that I have hurt you, but there is nothing I can do about the past, and I really don't have the strength for any more battles right now." She ducks her head almost in defeat. He nods his head in acceptance, though this conversation is far from over, he thinks.

"Come; let me introduce you to your son, "She says reaching a hand to guide him. He takes her proffered hand intertwining their fingers as they make their way out of the chapel and down the corridor.

Rick slows his pace as they make their way down the hospital corridor. Sensing his hesitation, Kate stops giving him the moment he clearly needs.

" Kate?"

"Hum?" She replies

"What did you tell him about me?"

"What, who?" She isn't following his train of thought.

"Tommy." He simply states. "What have you told him about me? Does he think I abandoned him?" She can see the fear in his eyes and it breaks her heart to hear him say those words. Once again she wonders how she had managed to bungle things so badly.

"No, Castle. He doesn't think that." She tries to appease. The truth of the matter is that the issue has never come up. Tommy has never asked and she has never volunteered the information hoping to put off that topic of conversation as far into the future as possible. Well there was no postponing it now. Man up, Beckett. She thinks.

"How about we just take this one step at a time? I can introduce you as a friend for now until Tommy gets used to you, and then when the time is right, we can tell him together?" She sees the hesitancy flicker across his eyes at first, before he realizes the validity of her suggestion.

"Sure, ok. That sounds good. But, Kate. No matter what happens, I need to be in his life. He's my son."

"I know, Castle. I know you may not believe me, but I am truly sorry I kept it from you. When I realized that we could lose him and that you didn't even know he existed, I realized how selfish and cowardly I have acted. I know that I can never give back to you the time you lost with him, but I promise you..." She chokes back a sob. "If we get through this... I won't stand in the way of you building a relationship with Tommy. He needs his father."

"Kate, look at me. We will get through this. Tommy is fighter like his mom." She doesn't answer only gives him that small shy smile, barely a curl of her upper lip. She just tightens the grip of their hands as they make their way into the child's room.

Castle's breath leaves his body at the sight of his son through the pained window of his hospital room. He looks so small curled up in his bed with the blanket held firmly in his grasps a slight pout to his lips. _His son._ Wow. He can't get over that.

He stops right inside the door way as Kate makes her way towards the bed. It takes all of his will to restrain himself from diving forward and cradling him in his arms. But, Kate is right. They needed to do this right.

"Tommy," Kate says running her fingers along her son's forehead.

"Mama?" The questioning eyes peek up from under heavy eye lids.

"Hey, baby."

"Go home?"

" Soon, baby, soon."

"Now, Mama." The boy pouts. Even though he can't see the boy's eyes Castle can only imagine the puppy eyed look he must be giving his mother. It's a look he knows well. One that he has perfected mastered even. And judging by the eye roll his mother gives him, it's one his son got patent down as well. _Huh_. Just then the small figure takes note of him standing by the door. He's got blue eyes Castle notices. Those same blue eyes that are now are taking him and becoming bigger by the moment as he turns to his mother and stage whispers.

"Mama, it's the man ." He says in awe pointing to the copy of _A Rose for Ever After_ lying on the small table next to the bed.

Beckett turns to Castle a slight flush to her face. _Busted_. Another secret revealed. She truly is a fan girl so much so that her 3 year old son recognizes him from his book jacket. Another "huh" traces through Richard Castle's mind. Despite the awkwardness Kate feels she reaches her hand out beckoning Castle towards the bed. Rick takes her fingers relishing the soft feel and slight clammy grip on his hand. So she's just as nervous. He thinks to himself.

"Tommy, this is my friend Rick." The little boy looks at him and Castle feels his heart melt. It's like a mini me looking back. He thinks. And Castle feels his heart melt a little more.

"Cool PJs." He blurts out trying to alleviate a bit of the tension. "You like airplanes?" The boy nods. "And Superman too." He smiles showing his toothless grin and Castle thinks he is the most adorable child he has ever seen.

"He likes anything that flies actually." His mother interjects smiling at Rick's reaction and the adoration flickering across his face.

"Cool. Me too." Rick says as he sits on the side of the boy's bed.

"Ya, well, it's not so cool when he thinks HE can fly and then takes a flying leap of the couch. " Kate says seriously but there is a hint of smile struggling not to escape. Castle unconsciously rubs at the scar on his forehead and smiles remembering a similar misadventure that his mother told him about. _Like father like son _he thinks but doesn't say out loud. He doesn't want to freak Kate out any more.

"I tired." Tommy states as he rubs his eyes and yawns.

"S'oky. Sleep." Kate says placing a kiss on her son's forehead.

"Rick and I are going to be right outside talking with Dr. Davidson."

"No go, Mama."

"I won't baby. I promise."

"We aren't going anywhere, buddy." Castle tells Tommy while looking at Kate. The subtext is not lost on her.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Once again thanks for all the review, follows, and favorites. It's much appreciated even the not so positive ones. I find it fascinating that there are such strong emotions evoked from this little story. Just a reminder this is "fan fiction." That means we are allowed to play with different topics even if not everyone agrees with the direction or the outcome. I can only hope you continue to follow the story, but if I have deeply offended you, all I can say is don't read it. There is no need to be rude about it. For those others who have commented and like the direction I am taking I just want to mention that this story is complete. There will be nine chapters all together and I will continue to post every other day. Thanks for the continued support. Once again, all mistakes are mine especially any medical ones as I am not a doctor...

"Dr. Davidson is expecting us." Kate says motioning for Castle to follow her. And he's momentarily transfixed by the change in her demeanour. Her armour is back- that determination evident in her confident gate as she walks through the hospital corridor. Seeing her interact with Tommy, the softness of her gaze as she looked at her son, the love she felt clearly displayed on her face, has stirred some deep seated emotions in Rick. Emotions he had long thought buried. The desire to have her back in his life, to be part of their small family unit is overwhelming. There is so much more at stake this time around. Kate's obviously very familiar with the surroundings and Castle notices how all the nurses smile and greet her by name as she walks past. She stops in front of the doctor's office and turns to Castle.

"Ready?" She quirks an eyebrow at him.

"Not really," He states, rubs his hand down over his face and shakes his shoulders. He takes a deep breath as if stealing himself. "But let's get this over with. The sooner I know what I can do the better."

Kate smiles at his antics, knocks and waits as the doctor welcomes them into his office.

"Dr. Davidson, this is Tommy's father Richard Castle. Rick, this is Tommy's doctor." As Kate introduces the two men, Castle is momentarily taken back by the doctor's appearance. To say he is good looking is an understatement. Tall, dark and brooding is how he would categorize him. And the way he smiles at Kate makes him wonder if his interest is all professional. But Kate seems unfazed by the doctor's gaze and takes the seat in front of the good doctor's desk.

"It's good to meet you, Mr. Castle. I've heard a lot about you." Castle shakes the doctor's proffered hand with a firm handshake that he might admit later (if pressed under oath) last a couple seconds too long and was maybe a little too firm. "Only good things, I hope." The doctor doesn't respond but signals Castle towards the chairs and he takes his own seat behind his desk.

_So it's going to be like that is it?_ Castle thinks to himself_. Bring it on, buddy._

"Won't you take a seat? I'm sure you have many questions and concerns. I'm not sure how much _Ms_. Beckett has told you about Tommy's prognosis..." Castle bristles at the way the Dr. Davidson stresses "Ms." and takes the seat next to Kate's. He reaches across and takes Kate's hand telling himself he's just showing support. No way is he trying to mark his territory. Kate momentarily startles but doesn't retract her hand. Score one for Richard Castle.

"Not much. Only that he needs a stem cell transplant and that she and her fathers is not a match."

"Ok, so then let's start at the basics and take it from there. If you have any questions throughout please ask away." Castle nods and sits uncharacteristically still as he listens to the Doctor. Kate unconsciously squeezes his hand.

"Tommy has what is referred to as JMML. It is a fairly rare type of leukemia and there is no standard chemotherapy treatment." Dr. Davidson pauses to let that sink in and then continues. "An allogeneic stem cell transplant is the treatment of choice when possible, as it offers the best chance for a cure. About half of the children with JMML who get a stem cell transplant are still free of leukemia after several years."

"That's good news right, Doctor. It's treatable?" He looks at Kate with a renewed sense of hope. And Kate has never been so grateful for his optimistic attitude. She'll hold on to any possibility of Tommy making a full recovery. "So how does it work?" Kate's heard this all before but she finds herself just as focused on the doctor's words as Castle is.

"Well, the donor's tissue type should be almost identical to the patient's tissue type to help prevent the risk of major problems with the transplant cells. Therefore, the closer a tissue "match" is between the donor and the recipient, the better the chance the transplanted cells will "take" and begin making new blood cells. Ms. Beckett and her father have already been tested, as you know, and the results were not what we had hoped for. It is my understanding that you will also be tested?" Dr. Davidson pauses, smiles at Kate and then looks towards Castle.

"Yes, of course, and my daughter and mother will be as well." Dr. Davidson nods his assent and jots something down in his notes.

"Castle?" Kate starts to question. Castle turns in his seat so he is looking directly into Kate's eyes.

"Kate, Tommy is their family as well." There is no brokering in his tone leaving- no room for argument. Either way Kate doesn't argue. He's right of course. Alexis and Martha deserve to be part of this, and Tommy deserves every chance he can get. She just hopes Rick is right and that they can get over her actions for Tommy's sake. She sits in silence as the doctor explains the procedure and after effects.

"One last thing." The doctor states "A stem cell transplant often requires a long hospital stay and can be very expensive often costing well over $100,000. It is important that you get your insurance approval prior ..."

"Doctor," Castle interrupts, leaning forward and placing his hands on the doctor's desk. He ensures he has the doctor's complete attention. "Money will _not _be an issue. You just ensure my son gets everything he needs. I will take care of the rest." Dr. Davidson leans back and closes the file on his desk as he reconsiders the couple in front of him. He has no doubt about Kate's dedication to her son. Despite the pitfalls so far, she has been a constant source of strength, never wavering in her fight to find a cure for her son. But aside from her father and a few close friends he has never heard her mention the boy's father. So, after the disappointing results of the latest tests, he had thought Kate's decision to final contact Castle an act of desperation. He'd done his research and was not overly impressed by the image presented to him; playboy millionaire mystery writer. He was not sure what Kate had seen in the man. He could only attribute it to a lapse of judgement on her part. But now, Dr. Davidson thinks he ought to re evaluate his opinion, perhaps he underestimated this man.

"Very well, then. I know that was a lot of information to take in and I'm sure you will have many questions. Kate, you have my number; please feel free to call me at any time with any questions." The doctor smiles warmly as he stands and ushers them to the door. All things aside, Castle thinks, the doctor seems competent at least. With his hand on her lower back, Castle guides them out of the room.

"He seems nice?" He says as they leave the office and start the walk back to Tommy's room. Castle digs his hands into his pockets resisting the urge to ask why she has his number. As if sensing his unease, Kate states.

"There is nothing going on with us, Castle."

"I didn't ask."

"Ya, you weren't asking very loudly." He smiles at her, busted. He thinks.

"I'm a single mother and a homicide detective. Most days I'm happy just to get a moment to myself. Dating has not been a priority." She's not sure why she is sharing this with him, but somehow it feels right that he knows.

"Sorry. " He doesn't know what else to say. She just smiles and nods her head at him

"Dr. Davidson is one of the best pediatric oncologists in the country. Lanie recommended him and he actually helped in getting us in the treatment center. He's been very attentive." _I bet._ Castle thinks trying unsuccessfully to reign in the green eyed monster. "Look, Castle, I don't want you to think I'm after your money or anything."

"Kate, have you been listening to anything I've been saying?" _God this woman is going to drive me mad._ "This is my son and whatever he needs to get better he'll have. I just found him, and I'm not going to lose him now." _Wow _she must admit that take charge Castle is doing it for her. But she shakes her head at that thought and buries it deep within her. This is definitely not the place or the time for those types of thoughts.

"Ok. But your family, Alexis and Martha, this is going to be a lot for them too." Her earlier fears are resurfacing. She can see now the spiralling effects of her actions clearly now. As if reading her thoughts, Castle states, "Don't worry about them. Mother will be thrilled and Alexis has always wanted a sibling."

"God, Castle, I didn't... I never thought about them either. Jeez, I really screwed everything up. " Kate says running her hand through her hair in frustration.

"Don't under estimate them, Kate. They may be hurt and disappointed but family is family. They'll come around. Now, let's not dwell on the past anymore. We've got a whole future to look forward too."

She hopes he's right. She won't begrudge them any feelings of resentment towards her. She knows now she deserves them. She can see now how ill founded her fears were. How her need to protect herself and her son from hurt will be seen by others as selfish and cold hearted. She just hopes that she hasn't done any permanent damage that may affect Tommy's chances. She doesn't really know his family that well. But she knows Rick and he's been nothing but a pillar of support. She's so grateful; she wants him to know how much it means to her that he's accepted them both back in his life. "Castle..."  
At that moment Kate's cell vibrates. She looks down at the caller ID.

"Excuse me, I have to take this." And just like that the moment is lost.

"Sure go ahead."

"Beckett." She answers the phone as she walks across the room. When Kate comes back she doesn't look too happy.

"Something wrong?"

"I have to go to the precinct. My dad called earlier said he was running late and I don't want to leave Tommy by himself. I won't be gone long. There's just a couple of loose ends that I need to tie up. I don't want to impose but could you watch Tommy? " She's rambling. She doesn't know why she's rambling.

"Go, Kate. I got it. Go."

"Are you sure, Castle? I don't know how Tommy will react."

"He'll be fine, Kate. I'll ask Alexis to come and bring me my remote control helicopter and will have a blast flying it around. This way Alexis gets a chance to meet Tommy too." _Without me here_ ... she thinks.

"Ok, but let me go in and tell him and make sure he's ok. And you've got my number. You call me if anything comes up?

"Kate, it's all good, go. Do whatever you need to do."

"Thanks, Castle." She states leaning in to brush a kiss to his cheek. "I really appreciate all that you're doing for us." _despite how I treated you._

"Always, Kate. "


	4. Chapter 4

a/n: once again thx for all the reviews and feedback. Let's see how Alexis reacts to a little bro

"Dad?"

Rick looks up to see his daughter walk through the hospital room door. Tommy is asleep so he makes his way towards her and signals her to follow him outside. He doesn't want to go far in case Tommy wakes up.

"Hi, Pumpkin." He greets his daughter with a hug and a kiss to the forehead.

"What's going on Dad? You scared me sending me a text asking me to meet you at the hospital."

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I didn't mean to. I guess I didn't realize how that would sound."

"Are you ok? Why are you in the hospital and who is that?" She nods her head towards the closed door.

"I'm fine. And _he_ is the reason I'm here and the reason I wanted you to come by. Did you bring what I asked?" Alexis nods and lifts the bag she's holding.

"Come on." He says taking her hand and guiding her into the room. "There's someone I want you to meet."

"Alexis, I want you to meet your little brother." Castle whispers into his daughter's ear deciding on the direct approach. No use in beating around the bush. Alexis stares at the young boy for a second before walking up to the side of the bed. She slides her fingers through the flop of hair that has fallen across his forehead as he sleeps.

"He looks like you." She whispers back to her dad and smiles. There are so many questions she wants to ask, but this definitely is not the right place. Her father has always been honest with her and she's sure he will fill in the missing pieces in time. She's always wanted a sibling and now staring down at the sleeping boy before her she tries to take in all the implications. Tommy begins to stir and Alexis steps back to allow Castle to sit next to the bed.

Tommy's eyes flutter open and he frowns as he looks around the room searching. His eyes begin to water when he can't find who he is looking for. Castle immediately notices the boy's distress.

"Tommy, buddy. It's ok. It's me, Rick and this is my daughter Alexis. " He places what's meant to be a comforting hand on the boy's lap. Alexis waves hello to the boy.

"Mamma?" Tommy pouts still looking around.

"You're mom had to step out, remember. She told you before you fell asleep. She'll be back as soon as she can." Castle reminds Tommy in his most comforting voice.

"Alexis, this is Tommy. " Castle introduces hoping to divert the boy's attention.

"Tommy, can you say hi?" Tommy shakes his head no as his lower lip starts to quiver. He's trying very hard not to cry and Castle has to credit that particular trait to Kate.

"Hey, Tommy, cool PJs. You like airplanes, huh?" Tommy nods and sucks in huge gulp of air. Alexis steps up to the other side of the bed and sits next to the little boy. "Well you're in luck then." She states reaching into the bag she's brought. She pulls out the remote control helicopter her dad asked her to bring and places it in Tommy's lap.

"Maybe you'd like to play with this."

"It fly?" Tommy asks staring at the helicopter before him in awe.

"Yes, it flies. Would you like to try?"

"Yes, pees." Tommy nods enthusiastically, his mother temporarily forgotten.

Time seems to fly by with Tommy jumping up and down on the bed and waving his hands in excitement as Castle expertly manoeuvres the helicopter through banks and turns. It's precisely during one of aerobatic moves that the nurse decides to come through the door.

"Sorry." Castle shrugs sheepishly at the nurse as the helicopter barely misses her head. Tommy thinks this is so funny he's rolling around on the bed laughing hysterically. The nurse just smiles at them and continues with her ministrations. Castle sets the controller down and watches as the nurse takes Tommy's temperature and checks his chart.

"Everything ok?" He enquires. He knows Tommy's current stay in the hospital is due to a high fever and infection they hadn't been able to control as result of his low white cell count due to the leukemia.

"Yes, looks like his fever has finally come down. He is due for another dose of his medication though." The nurse looks from Castle back to Tommy who has now stopped laughing and is giving her his best impression of Kate's death glare. Castle holds in the chuckle at the sight and instead makes his way over to his son.

"Ok, little man, you heard Nurse Susan, it's time for your medicine." Tommy redirects his glare at his father. He then gathers his knees to his chest curling into a tight ball. "No!" He states firmly and proceeds to shut both his eyes and mouth in act of defiance. Castle looks to Alexis who is sitting in the corner of the room watching the scene unfold. She shrugs her shoulders not knowing what exactly is expected of her.

The nurse sighs as if this is an every time occurrence and proceeds to dispense the medicine. "Mr. Castle, if you'll hold him down..." Castle looks panicked, memories of practically having to sit on a screaming, squirming Alexis flashing through his mind. He does not want to do that with Tommy. Not now when their relationship is so new. "No!" Tommy asserts himself again. Just then the door swings open and Castle lets out a sigh of relief at the reprieve.

"What's going on here?"

"Papa Jim!" Tommy exclaims and throws his arms out to wrap around his grandfather neck. Jim swings his grandson up from the bed and Tommy proceeds to bury his face in his neck.

"Whoa. Look at you. You look so much better." Tommy shakes his head in agreement.

"Feel good." He says finally looking into his grandfather's smiling face.

"Well, it must be all the good medicine Nurse Susan is giving you. " Tommy looks sceptically back at the nurse still holding the medicine plunger. "Why don't you show Nurse Susan what a big boy you are and take your medicine. Then I'll give you a surprise." Enticed by the idea of a treat, Tommy turns in his grandfather's arms and opens his mouth while screwing his eyes shut. The nurse deposits the medicine into his mouth which Tommy promptly swallows. He then proceeds to make all kinds of gagging faces.

"A drama llama." Alexis chides. "I wonder where he gets that from." She asks smirking at her father.

"You're grandmother, I suspect."

"Ya, keep telling yourself that."

Nurse Susan just smiles at the father daughter exchange and excuses herself as she leaves the room.

"All gone!" Tommy exclaims and opens his mouth for his grandfather to check. "Surprise?" he asks putting out his hand. Jim Beckett reaches into his pocket and retrieves a large Hershey bar. He sets his grandson back on the bed and watches as he begins to tear off the wrapper.

"Hey, slow down there, buddy. You can't have all of it at one time. Your mother will kill me if she finds out . Here." He says breaking off a bite size piece of the candy for Tommy to eat. "Speaking of your, mother where is she?" Tommy shrugs his shoulders at his grandfather as he happily chews on the chocolate.

"Um, sir, I'm Rick Castle and this is my daughter Alexis. Kate had to step away. She asked me to watch Tommy until you got here." Alexis walks to stand beside her father in a show of support. Jim Beckett takes Castle's proffered hand in a firm grip.

"Yes, I know who you are. " Jim states with a raised eyebrow and Castle now knows who Kate inherited that trick from.

"Perhaps, we can step outside and talk a minute?" Castle suggests. "Alexis, do you mind?"

"Course not, Dad. I'll stay and keep Tommy company. We'll fly the helicopter right, Bud?" Seemingly convinced of his grandson's ease of mind, Jim follows Castle out into the hospital corridor.

"Mr. Castle," Jim starts as soon as they've cleared the door.

"It's Rick, please."

"OK, Rick. Listen. I don't know the exact nature of your relationship with my daughter other than the obvious." He says motioning towards the hospital room. Jim pauses waiting for Castle to volunteer any additional information. Castle however remains silent. He doesn't know how much of their history Kate's shared with her father but at this point he hopes it's not much. Realizing Castle is not going to share, Jim continues. "However, I do know that my daughter has been through more than anyone should ever have to endure in one life time. That little boy in there is her whole world and if anyone or anything should try to..."

"Stop, Mr. Beckett, please. It's true that I've made some mistakes in the past." Castle pauses taking a deep breath to steady his nerves_. In for a penny, in for a dollar_ he thinks as he continues. "Those mistakes have cost me my relationship with my son. But wish as I may, I can't undo any of it. All I can do is be there for my son now and for Kate. I'm not here to hurt them; all I want is the opportunity to be father to that little boy in there. I will do whatever Kate wants as long as she lets me be part of their lives." Jim recognizes the truth in Castle's words and sighs with relief.

"Well, then. I'm sure you know that Katie can be stubborn."

"That's an understatement." Castle says under his breath. Jim smiles knowingly. "Well, I'm afraid that is one particular trait she got from both her mother and me. Poor kid never had a fighting chance." Jim smiles at the memory of a young Katie sitting stubbornly in a corner in a self imposed time out.

"I just hope you don't hold that against her. You're not the only one that has made mistakes. Katie knows that what she did was wrong, but at the time she truly thought she was doing what was best. She's dedicated the last 3 years of her life to being the best mother she can be. And she's done it for the most part on her own."

"Sir, I didn't know. I would have been there for her if she'd let me in."  
"I realize that and I'm not judging you. After all, if Katie thought enough about you to let you into her life in the first place, there must be more to you than the page 6 persona the newspapers depicts." Jim states raising an eyebrow in question. _Boy that's uncanny,_ Castle thinks as he nods sheepishly.

"All I can ask is that you're patient with her. Relinquishing control isn't going to be easy for her. Despite her best intentions, she might want to push you away again if things get tough."

"I know and I already told her, I'm not going anywhere. "

"That's good to hear, son." Jim pats Castle's back as they start to make their way back into the room. "In that case, call me Jim and welcome to the family."

XXX

The elevator doors have barely closed and Alexis has already started firing off the questions.

"Alexis, honey. Slow down. I'm going to tell you everything but I'd rather do it only once. So what do you say we go find your grandmother and stop by the market? This is definitely going to require some intensive ice cream therapy."


	5. Chapter 5

a/n: Once again thank you very much to all of you who have taken the time to provide feedback and reviews. It's truly appreciated. So on with the story. Not sure how everyone is going to take to Martha's reaction to the situation. I hope I've stayed true to the character. Please continue to let me know your thoughts...

"Oh, Richard, darling, Katherine must be devastated!" Martha exclaims waving her hands through the air with a dramatic flair. They are seated at the Kitchen Island four different kinds of ice cream, hot fudge, caramel, and every imaginable form of topping placed in front of them. Alexis hands the can of whipped cream to her father after spraying a large dollop to complete her sundae, the final touch a maraschino cherry on top.

"Really, Mother, have you not been listening to anything I've said? She kept my son's existence a secret and you're taking her side?" Castle asks indignantly. He thankful for his mother's easy acceptance of the situation but a part of him would also like a little bit of support. He gives his daughter's creation an approving nod before squirting the whipped cream into his mouth.

"Of course not, Richard, don't be ridiculous. I'm not excusing her actions. Of course she should have told you about Tommy. That she didn't- is not acceptable." Martha reaches across the Island and takes a spoonful of her granddaughter's sundae. She puts her spoon down in front of herself and clasps her arms leaning in to talk with her son.

"But we both know it's not as simple as you make it out to be. Would you be in this situation today if you had handled things differently?" Castle only shrugs. "Really, Richard, you've never been the kind to back away from any challenge. Yet the minute Katherine tells you you're done, you simply walk away without a fight. Ask yourself what you were afraid of: That she wouldn't take you back, or that she would? And then that thing with Gina right after, I hate to tell you so, kiddo, but I did tell you that was a huge mistake." Martha raises a hand to halt her son's protest.

"She has a point, dad." Alexis interjects.

"You too, really?"

"Just saying."

"I, for one, understand how hard it is to be single mother." Martha continues unperturbed. "It's not easy. And then to find out your son may be dying." Martha sighs dramatically. Castle huffs in resignation. His mother and daughter have a point, but the nine year old in him still wants to pout.

"So what are you going to do about Nikki, dad?" Alexis asks innocently enough, changing the conversation unexpectedly. Castle turns to his daughter not knowing where this question is coming from.

"What do you mean?" Alexis shrugs and takes another scoop of her ice cream before she answers.

"Well, now that Beckett's back, is Nikki back too? You know you haven't written anything in months. And Gina keeps calling and leaving nasty voice mails."

"The girls right, Kiddo. You could use some new inspiration. It's getting pretty pathetic watching you sulk around all day."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence you two. I'm..." He's at a loss, unsure. So he shrugs and takes a scoop of ice cream. "I don't really know yet." In truth, he hasn't thought about it all. And as much as he would love to get back into the writing groove, he needs all of his energy focused on getting his son healthy. All the rest is irrelevant at this point.

As if sensing his demeanour, Martha tries steers the conversation to an easier topic.

"So tell me a little about my grandson." She asks eagerly her hand on her chin.

"Oh, he's so cute, Grams. He looks just like dad. He's got the most beautiful blue eyes that crinkle when he smiles and so much energy. Honestly, he's like a mini dad. " Alexis states enthusiastically.

"Oh, now my heart truly goes out to her." Martha jokes.

"Ha, ha. Very funny, Mother. But he is pretty great." Castle brags unable to hide the pride in his voice.

"And the treatment they described, will it work?" Martha asks.

"We hope so. That's where you and Alexis come in. Kate and her father's tissue didn't match Tommy's and so I'll be tested and I was hoping you and Alexis would agree to as well."

"Of course, my dear, whatever it takes." She reaches out and places her hand over her son's in reassurance.

"Sure, Dad. Gram's right, whatever it takes." She smiles warmly at her father. While she sees her grandmother's point at the moment she's not sure how she feels about Kate. What she does know is that she'll do anything for her little brother.

"Thanks you two. I don't know how I would get through this without you guys."

"You'll always have us, dad."

"We aren't going anywhere, Richard."

"Riiight. Thanks for reminding me." He chides his mother.

"Good morning peeps," Richard Castle exclaims as he walks through the door of his son's hospital room. "One tall latte, two pumps unsweetened vanilla for the lady, and one hot chocolate with extra whipped cream for the ruggedly handsome minion." He proclaims handing the beverages over. Kate smirks but gratefully accepts the coffee. Groaning in satisfaction as the hot beverage coats her throat and the first infusion of caffeine hit her blood stream. "Remind me to bring you coffee on a regular basis if that's the kind of reaction I'm going to get." Castle states only half kidding. Kate ignores the comment and instead turns towards Tommy.

"Hey, baby boy, say thank you to Rick for the hot chocolate." Tommy glares at his mother and with a quirk of the eye brow that is so uncannily Beckett replies.

"I'm not a baby. I's three." He says as he displays five fingers in front of his face. Castle can't help but laugh at his son's show of independence but quickly schools his features as his son turns his glare at him.

"Yes, I am sorry Thomas, you're right you are three years old." She says putting two of his fingers down so that he can display his correct age on his hand. "But, we still need to be polite. So, say thank you to Rick like a big boy. And be careful the drink is very hot."

"Thank you, Rick." Tommy states with a bit of defiance still present in his voice as he carefully takes a sip of his hot chocolate

"No problem, my man. It's my pleasure. Whatcha doing?" He asks as he comes to sit on the side of the bed.

"I color pictures. See!" He says proudly displaying his artwork. "One for papa, one for Tio, one for Lexis."

"You made a picture for Alexis?" Castle states in wonder trying to choke back the tears as he sees the picture his son has drawn of two stick figures holding hands with what looks like an airplane flying around in the back ground. He looks over at Beckett who sitting in the chair on the opposite side of the bed. She's chewing on her bottom lip so hard he thinks she's going to draw blood soon.

"Wow that's awesome. I am sure she's going to love it. And you know what, you can give it to her later this morning. She's coming by to see you." Tommy's smile breaks out and beams across his face.

"And you know who else is coming to see you?"

Tommy shakes his head no. "Who?"

"My mom. She's heard so many things about you from Alexis that she can't wait to finally meet you." Castle tells Tommy but he's looking at Beckett trying to gauge her reaction. Kate just gives him a slight nod and seems resigned to the whole ordeal. Tommy though has gotten a bit nervous at the thought of new visitors. Sensing her son's hesitation she run's her hands through her his hair garnering his attention.

"Don't worry, Tommy. You are going to love Martha. She is very nice. And you know what else? She's an actress. She was even in a movie with the Incredible Hulk. I'm sure she would love to share her stories and you can show her all your action figures." Tommy's eyes almost pop out his head. He's nodding his head in excitement. Once again, Beckett feels a pang of guilt at the realisation that she's kept Tommy away from his family.

Martha strolls into the hospital room in a whirl of color and Channel #5.

"Katherine, darling." She exclaims as she embraces Kate in a bone crushing squeeze. Beckett stands with her hands at her side quite shell shocked by Martha's exuberant greeting. She hesitantly brings her arms up to hug Martha back as the older woman leans in and whispers.

"We've got you. Let us help."

"Lexi!" Tommy calls out as he sees his sister standing silently behind his grandmother. "Someone's got a fan." Martha winks conspiratorially at Kate and steps aside to let Alexis enter the room fully.

"Alexis." Kate greets the teenager tentatively.

"Detective Beckett, nice to see you again." Alexis responds her eyes steadfastly avoiding Kate's. Ok, so it doesn't take a genius to see that Alexis is not nearly as forgiving as her grandmother. "Alexis, please call me Kate." Alexis only nods.

"Hey, Tom Tom. " She says by way of answer as she makes her way to her little brother. Kate looks over to Castle who only shrugs his shoulders in resignation. _This is going to take a while to fix his expressions_ says.

"Lexi, I colored a picture for you, see?" Tommy says proudly displaying his artwork.

"Wow, that's really good. Is that me and you and the airplane?" Tommy nods his head emphatically.

"Mother, this is Thomas." Castle, noticing Kate's hesitancy or in ability for action, takes his mother's hand and guides her to the bedside. For once Martha is at a loss for words as she takes in the sight of her grandchildren.

"Richard, Katherine..." It's all she can think to say as she looks between her proudly beaming son and the wary looking detective.

"Tommy." Kate calls out trying to get her son's attention who is busily chatting away with his big sister. "Thomas." She tries again. This time he looks up with a radiant smile and a twinkle in his eye so like his father.

"Tommy, this is Martha, Rick's mom and Alexis' grandmother. Can you say hello?"

"Hello." He replies shyly under hooded lashes and then studiously continues coloring his picture.

"Grams loves to color. She's the best at it. Do you think we could all color together?" Alexis asks Thomas trying to engage the boy. Tommy looks up at Alexis and then towards Martha and nods his head in agreement handing Martha a sheet of blank paper.

"What beautiful artwork you have their, kiddo. You're quite the little Picasso aren't you?"

Tommy smiles proudly. "I like to color." He confirms. "I have all them colors, see? " He points to his box of 64 Crayons. "And markers too." He whispers the last part conspiratorially as he lifts the corner of his pillow to show Martha the package of well hidden markers. Martha hums her agreement and winks at him letting him know his secret is safe. "So what are we drawing?"

"I draw Superman. He's my favorite, cause he can fly. And Spiderman too, cause he climbs. Mommy says I not suppose to climb cause I'm not a spider, but she says me a monkey and monkeys climb right?" Tommy is rambling away now asking Martha a million questions now that trio has bonded over coloring his shyness has seemed to have evaporated too. Martha looks at her son who has a proud smile plastered on his face. She smiles back briefly as turns back to answer her grandson's questions memories of a young Rick Castle rambling away come back to her.

Despite the circumstances that have brought them together, Castle thinks things have turned out pretty well. Everyone seems to be getting along and he gets a smaller thrill from seeing his entire family all in one room. When he glances at Kate to see her reaction his warm and fuzzy feeling instantly evaporates. Kate doesn't look happy, not angry- just not happy. And before he realizes what's going on she's out the door and he's chasing after her.


	6. Chapter 6

A/n: Once again thank you to all for taking the time to review. It is very much appreciated. And I have to apologize for not getting back to each of you that have taken the time to review. I thought I could go back and respond directly from the fan fiction site where we manage the stories but that is not always the case, so there are some of you that I missed because I had deleted the email. I hope my lack of response does not dissuade you from providing feedback. Please know that I am very grateful to anyone who actually takes the time to provide input. Anyways, I am rambling because I'm kind of nervous for this chapter. I know I've pilfered some of the dialogue from the show, but why re invent the wheel? I feel that because of that I should add the disclaimer again: They aren't mine.

Enjoy and please review.

* * *

"Kate." Castle calls out. "Kate, wait, stop running away." Beckett stops and turns to face Castle, defiance on her face. "I was not running away. I just need some space."

"Fine you're not running away. Humour me then. Let's get some coffee and talk, ok?"

They make their way to the cafeteria one floor below theirs in silence. "Go sit. I'll get our coffees." Castle points to the table in the corner. Kate does as requested with a silent nod. A little while later Castle returns, hands Kate her coffee and sits directly in front of her along with a dish full of pastries.

"Talk to me, Kate. What's going through that beautiful brain of yours?" Kate takes the cup of coffee in both hands and stares down into the contents. She takes a deep fortifying breath and then looks up to see Castle with both elbows propped on the table leaning forward as he tries to make eye contact with her.

"Have trouble deciding much?" She states gesturing to the plate that contains a sprinkled donut, a bear claw, some sort of Danish, a huge chocolate chip cookie and several muffins-hoping to avoid the topic a while longer.

"Well, I wasn't sure what you wanted. Last time I saw you, you were talking fondly about sprinkled donuts. And then I saw the bear claws and I remembered you liked those too. So..."

"Castle." Kate stops his rambling with a touch to his hands. "I'm so over sprinkles."

"Good. That's good to know, Kate." She looks down at her hands once more willing the words to come. She's not good at this expressing her feelings, talking about her emotions. Castle waits as if sensing her internal struggle his thumbs rubbing circles across the back of her hands. She concentrates on the constant motion of his fingers before making a conscience effort to look up and into his eyes. .

"Castle, I've made such a mess of things." She starts and falters. Seeing the look of confusion on Castle's face, she quickly continues. "Seeing Thomas with you, with your Mom and Alexis, it just brought it all home, you know? I took that away from him, kept him from a family that loves him. And now, if something were to happen to him."

"Kate, listen to me. Everything is going to be ok. Thomas is going to be ok."

"Castle, you don't know that. Please don't make promises that you can't keep."

"You're right. I can't promise you that. But I can promise that I will do everything in my power to make it so. I will be with you every step of the way. You aren't alone any longer. You have to know that."

"I know that, Castle. And I appreciate it. But, Rick, I have to warn you, if something happens to Tommy, I don't know that I will survive it. "

"Tommy is going to be fine. I just know it in my heart. I just found him and I am not letting go without a fight. And if that little boy in there is half as stubborn as his mother, we've got quite a battle a head." Kate smirks and rolls her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Castle. I'm sorry for running away, for letting my fears get the best of me. It's just- you were this rich, famous, handsome writer and I was this lowly detective. I guess I never truly believed we could last. I thought you'd get tired of me and then what? So I may have used you looking into my mother's case as a reason to push you away. But that's not an excuse. I should have told you about Tommy as soon as I found out. "

"You think I'm handsome?" Castle asks incredulously.

"Seriously? That's what you took away from it? And I said _thought_."

"So you don't think I'm handsome anymore?" Castle asks petulantly.

"Rick." Kate warns. Rick sighs and runs both his hands through his hair as he leans back in his chair. He's mad, furious at her still. But for some reason he wants to be able to let it go; focusing on moving forward and doing what's best for his son. Fighting with Kate will not help either situation, but maybe doing the mature thing for once in his life will score him some points with the universe.

"Yes, you should have told me. I am still angry and I don't know if I'll ever forgive you for that." He says truthfully momentarily putting aside his need to joke as a coping mechanism. Kate sighs; relieved he's being real with her for once. She doesn't need him coddling her and giving her a free pass. If they have any chance of making it through this, she needs him to honest with her and with himself. "Let's concentrate on making every day we've been given count, ok?" He leans forward again recapturing her hands. "A wise woman may have pointed out to me that I may be partly to blame in the matter as well. So even though I am still angry about you not telling me about Tommy, I feel that I need to apologize too, Kate."

She looks perplexed at him. _What does he have to apologize for?_ She thinks to herself. Castle continues as if reading her thoughts, "For looking into your mother's case without your consent. It was wrong. I violated your trust. I opened old wounds and I did not respect your wishes. You had every right to want me out of your life. And if I hadn't done that, I'd like to think things would have worked out differently."

_Jeez_, Kate thinks to herself running her hand through her hair. So much lost time and all because they did not know how to communicate with each other and instead had reverted to their old ways-she ran and he hid behind his playboy facade. It's taken a near tragedy and years of struggling to reach this realization, but she thinks she's sees things more clearly now. She's definitely not the same obsessed workaholic she was five years ago. If she's completely honest with herself she knows she probably wouldn't be alive today if it wasn't for Tommy and for that matter Castle. She was reckless, self absorbed and totally spiralling out of control until he came around and left her with a new purpose in life, a son.

"And I may have rushed into a relationship with Gina after we broke up too." Castle continues unaware of Kate's internal dialogue. She looks at him quizzically not seeing his point. "Kate, for me, what we had, it wasn't just sex, at least not after that first time. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be someone better, someone you could be proud of. I never felt that way before and it can kind of scared the shit out of me. So when you broke up with me, I reverted back to my old ways. Gina wasn't looking for the new and improved Rick. She wanted the page 6 playboy and that I could do with no problem and no risk to my heart." Kate looks shocked as his declaration but resigned at the same time. She doesn't know how to respond. Castle senses her discomfort and decides not to push for once.

"You know what? Tommy needs us, both of us. Let's just focus on getting him better. No more apologizing. I'm sorry, you're sorry. Let's move on." Kate nods grateful for the momentary reprieve. But she knows him; it's not like him not to push. She takes a sip of her now lukewarm coffee before gathering the strength to continue. No use in keeping things hidden any longer. What's she got to lose now?

"There's one more thing you should know, Castle, in case anything were to happen to me. " She takes a fortifying breath and Castle's not sure he's ready for any new revelations.

"Your name is on the birth certificate. "

_Wow, totally not what he was expecting her to say_. Kate continues oblivious to Castle's shocked state.

"I've always known that my job wasn't the safest. So if anything ever happened to me, I wanted Tommy to be able to know who his father was in case he ever went looking. I guess I always knew you'd be part of his life one way or another." She continues as way of explanation. Castle is stunned into speechlessness. She's just thrown him for a complete loop. He opens his mouth a couple of times, but nothing comes out. He decides to put it aside and analyze the implications later.

"Say something, Castle." She's never known him to be quite and is expecting some sort of retort. When he still remains quite, it makes her very uneasy.

"I... I was just thinking."

"Yes?" She prods.

"Now that we've gotten the deep stuff out of the way, what do you say we focus on the important stuff, like if you still think I'm handsome?" Kate smiles and is grateful for his attempt to lighten the mood.

"I don't know, writer boy. I don't think your ego needs any more stroking."

"It's _writer man, _Kate. You of all people should know that. And I'd be happy to let you stroke my ego or anything else for that matter." He states with a salacious grin that she wants to wipe off his face.

"Well, it was a long time ago; my memory is a little foggy."

"Well, we could always remedy that."

"Ha, keep dreaming, Castle."

"Kate, look at me. All my dreams come true." Kate smirks at that trying to hide the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth.

"Whatever floats your boat. If you want to keep living in the land of the delusional, Castle, be my guest." Castles huffs, but then turns a serious eye to her.

"I'm not delusional, Kate. I'm a realist. I know that you remember how good we were together." She doesn't answer, but he can tell by the blush across her face that she remembers alright. She thinks he's going to call her out on it again and make some sort of innuendo, but suddenly he's serious again.

"And even though we've got a lot of issues to work through, I know the feelings on my part have not gone away. I'm willing to give us another shot if you are. Tell me you don't feel the same, Kate, and I will never bring it up again." He challenges. He's totally floored her -again. Rick smirks as she swallows nervously.

"Castle, no..."

"No? You don't feel the same?" He asks anxiously. Not the answer he was hoping for.

"No, not no like that. Of course I have feelings for you. You're the father of my son"

"Kate, I don't want the pity speech. If you don't feel the same, I can take it. I'm a big boy."

"Castle, let me finish, ok? Yes, I can admit now that what we shared was special," Despite the fact that she spent the last four years trying to convince herself otherwise. "And I'd like the chance to get to know you again. But I can't have the kind of relationship I want with you until Tommy is better. It wouldn't be fair to either of you." Not that she really believes she deserves a second chance, "I've got to focus on Tommy and getting him well." Ok, that wasn't as hard as she thought. She can express her emotions and communicate them like an adult.

"So, it's not a no, it's a maybe later?" He asks hopefully. Kate has to smile at his child like exuberance. It's one of the things she loves about him. _Oh oh_. Did she just admit that to herself? She did. She does. This just got a hell of lot more complicated.

"It's a definite yes, but just not now. Let's focus on Tommy first." She hopes he's ok with that. It's the only assurance she can give him for now.

"Yes!" Castle stage whispers as he pumps his fist in the air. "But in all fairness, you're right, Kate. All of our attention should be on getting Tommy through this." Castle's expression is suddenly somber. "It's just that the last time I took the easy road out by not telling you how I felt. I'm not doing that this time. I want you to know that I'm all in. Both of you are important to me and I want you in my life." _There he said it_. He's back. Pushing her just a little bit further just like she knew he would. But she's surprisingly ok with that.

"I want you in our lives too, Castle." He's smiling ear to ear at her revelation- his eyes crinkling in the corners. And he looks so adorable she wants to reach across the table and kiss him. But she won't. They just agreed Tommy was their first priority and she won't jeopardize that. But he's been honest with her and she should try to be the same with him.

"You make this whole situation a little easier. You make me smile when all I want to do is break down and cry. You're my anchor and I don't know how I could get through this without you. And then there's Tommy. He's so attached to you already. I know that I've said this to you already, but I will do everything in my power to make sure you have a relationship with him. I wish that I could give you back the time that you've lost..." She looks at him through hooded lashes embarrassed to look at him in the eye. He's such a good man and great father and she's been such a bitch. She knows she doesn't deserve him but she's so grateful he's still there.

"Hey, hey. We agreed no more apologizing." He pauses hesitates before he rushes on. "There's one more thing, Kate. I want to publish the Nikki Heat book." Beckett looks perplexed at the change of topic.

"Nikki Heat?" She questions.

"The character I was basing on you. The book is finished. Well almost finished, I may have to rewrite the ending..." He's been thinking about this ever since Alexis mentioned it and it just seems like the right thing to do. And for the first time in a long time, he's excited about writing again.

"Ok. I still don't get what you're asking me for?"

"Kate, the reason I didn't have the book published in the first place is because I knew once the story was out there, people would want to know more. And since my inspiration was gone, I didn't think I had it in me to continue. "

"Oh, Ok. Sure. I guess that's fine. But I don't expect you'll be able to follow me around at work any longer. The new captain is kind of strict. Her nick name is Iron Gates, and I don't think she'll take kindly to your presence in her precinct."

"I'm sure if it comes to it, I could charm the pants off her." He flashes her that playboy smile and she has to chuckle. The conversation turns solemn then.

"Beckett, I'm sorry about Montgomery. Burglary gone wrong was it?" All signs of his previous smile have been wiped away.

"Yup. Street punk broke in and they interrupted him when they got home early from dinner. Kid panicked and fired." She has to choke back the tears that threaten to fall at the thought of her friend and mentor.

"Did you catch the guy?"

"Yes, but unfortunately, someone else had gotten to him first. Found him dead in an alley a couple days later. And you know what the really sad part is, Castle?" Kate asks rhetorically as she plunges ahead. "It was all for nothing. Evelyn says all that was taken were some files, $500 cash in the safe and an old laptop. " Kate sighs and leans back once again reliving those moments when she first heard her captain was dead was not something she thought she be sharing with Castle.

"I'm sorry Kate. I wish I could have been there for you. I wanted to come but I was on book tour in Europe. By the time I heard about it, it was too late."

"I know."

"You know? So you have been keeping tabs on me all these years?" Castle leans back and expands his chest like a proud peacock.

"Ah, no. I called your publicist. I thought you'd want to know, and Paula told me you were out of the country. I asked her to tell you to call me but I never heard back. " _I figured you were too busy with your new girlfriend _is left unsaid.

"Beckett, you have to believe me, Paula never said a word." Kate shakes her head just another misunderstanding in a long list of others.

"Water under the bridge, right?" She states a tight smile on her face.

"But Kate, if she would have said something..." The implications hang in the air. He would have insisted on coming to the funeral and he would have seen her, pregnant. No way to hide it then. He wants to murder his publicist. If nothing else, he's sure to give her a few choice words.

"I know. But we can't go back. You said so yourself. Let's focus on Tommy and getting him better together."


	7. Chapter 7

a/n: Thanks again for all of you that have reviewed. For you guest reviewers that I could not respond to directly, I want you to know that I really appreciate you taking the time to leave such a detailed review. I hope you enjoy this chapter. In my mind Kate is still of a big chicken when it comes to personnel stuff so I thought it easier for someone else to do the big reveal...

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"Well, speak of the devil, there's your mom and dad now." Dr. Davidson says turning his attention away from his small patient to the couple entering the hospital room. Tommy's room has been transformed from a normal non- descript hospital room into a warm and inviting environment and Kate smiles to herself at the welcome change.

The walls are covered in Tommy's, Alexis's, and Martha's artwork. There is brand new DVD player, a stack of movies and books on the night stand and spanking new helicopter perched on the foot of the bed. The extra bed in the room remains suspiciously unoccupied and Kate thinks that has as much to do with Castle's generosity as it has to do with the lack of patients on this floor; coffee, pastries and fresh cut flowers have been a staple at the nurses' station.

For the last couple of weeks while the 'family' waits on the screening results, they've been tagging team their hospital stays so that Tommy was never alone. Kate has never been so grateful for the support and looking back now she doesn't know how she ever did it before. And then it hits her- hard. Despite the worry that she'd broken them by keeping Tommy a secret, they're doing this together, all of them, a family, and surprisingly she's not freaking out. It just feels right.

Last night it was her father's turn to take the night shift and they have just come in to relieve him. Jim Beckett sits in the chair next to his grandson's bed and smiles as his daughter and her ..."friend" walk into the room.

Dr. Davidson's greeting though has halted the couple in their stride as they stop to stare at each other and then hesitantly look towards their son whose attention seems to be focused on the TV at the moment. Apparently the Dr.'s reference to his mom and 'dad' has gone totally unnoticed. Kate has a deer caught in the headlights look and Castle can just imagine what's going through her mind as she freaks out. Castle clears his throat and extends his hand in greeting keeping his other hand firmly placed at Kate's back.

Jim's smile remains in place as he takes in the exchange and can't help to be pleased. He likes Rick and it looks like Katie is finally letting him back in to her life. The 'dad' reference doesn't go unnoticed to him and he waits eagerly, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning back in his chair. He can't wait to see how his daughter is going to handle this one. He honestly doesn't know why she hasn't told Tommy yet. But Jim has learned that Kate does things at her own pace.

"Mr. Castle, Kate. It's nice to see you." The Dr. states, smiling in greeting. His smile is a bit too wide and too focused on Kate, Castle thinks to himself as he pumps the Dr.'s hand. _And what's with those teeth? Who has teeth that white?" _ Castle keeps his internal dialogue in check and instead tries to focus on what the Dr. is saying.

"The Lab has the results of the donor screening and I would like to discuss the results with you and your family."

"Uhm, sure. I would like my mother and Alexis to be here as well. I'll call them. I'm sure they can be here in an hour or so, will that work?"

"I'm sure it will-anything for my favorite patient. "He says addressing Kate instead of Castle directly. " I'll have my receptionist check my schedule and come back to you if there is an issue." The Dr. smiles again and excuses himself as he leaves the room.

'_Anything for my favorite patient... Jerk.'_ Castle mouths and finds himself cringing as he does. He turns to see Jim smirking at him and he has the grace to look abashed. "Excuse me; I'm just going to make a quick call." He states quickly as he ducks his head and follows Dr. Davidson out of the room. Kate can't help but smile after his retreating form and when she turns towards her father, he's got one of those cat ate the canary looks on his face.

"What?" She queries.

"Nothing." He adds quickly. _Ok? _Her dad is looking at her really weird. _Whatever._..She has too many other things to worry about right now- like the results of the screening.

"Dad, can you stick around? I know you must be tired, but if you're ok, I'd like for you to be here too." Kate asks her father shyly.

"There's no place I'd rather be, Katie." Jim states as he stands and walks towards his daughter. "I'm just going to go stretch my legs and get some coffee and then I'll be back."

"Thanks, Dad." She feels her heart warm at the tender smile her father gives her. For so long, he was just a shell of the man he used to be, lost in a bottle, drowning his sorrows away. It appears she is not the only one Tommy has saved. Her dad has never been more devoted than he is today and she will forever be grateful for all the support when it was just the two of them.

"Can I get you two anything?"

"No, we're good, stopped for breakfast on the way over." Castle's comment s as he strolls back into the room and Jim subsequent expression has Kate squirming. She can just picture all the thoughts racing through her father's mind.

"Dad." She scolds

"What?" He replies innocently. "Can you blame a father for wanting to see his daughter happy?"

"Dad." Kate begins again under her breath motioning to her father to step away. "Nothing is going on between Rick and me." She states in a hushed tone.

"Rick, huh?"

"Dad!" She huffs.

"Alright, Katie, relax. I was only joking. But you do look happy and more relaxed. And you've got to admit that it has something to do with the writer there." He points his chin towards Castle who is now perched on his son's bed.

"Ok, I will admit things have been going well. We've been talking and getting to know each other again. But that's it, Dad. That's all it can be for now. I need to stay focused on Tommy." Jim nods his assent even though he wants to shake his daughter senseless. Does she not see how precious time is? She should be embracing the opportunity in front of her. But he knows the way Kate is, and if she's convinced herself this is the way things should be, there is nothing that will change her mind.

"He's a good man, Katie. Don't let your fear push him away. I'll be back soon." He says instead and kisses her on the forehead as he heads out. Her dad's words are echoing through her head. She is totally perplexed. In all of her years her father has never opined on one of her boyfriends. And yet here is basically asking her to give Rick a chance; a man with a play boy image, a man with whom she's had a child out of wedlock. She shakes her head in confusion as she makes her way towards Tommy's bedside.

"You ok?" Castle asks. Kate nods her head, giving him a small shy smile.

"Yup. Did you reach Martha and Alexis?"

"Yes, they'll be here within the hour."

"Good. Whatcha guys watching?"

"Peter Pan!" Tommy exclaims raising his arms up high. "He can fly." Kate shuts her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Peter Pan? Great." She says sarcastically.

"What's wrong with Peter Pan, Kate?" Rick doesn't know what to make of her reaction.

"A little boy who can fly, Castle? What do you think is wrong? This is not going to turn out well." She's gone from shy to irritated with him in two seconds flat.

"You think?" He looks at his son who totally enthralled in the adventure playing out in front of him. He's currently on his knees bopping along to the music as the lost boys make their way through Neverland. Suddenly he jumps up and spreads his arms to the side. "I fly." He sings. _Maybe she has a point_.

"I know so. You've got to do something- say something to him. Tell him little boys can't really fly." She whispers under her breath to him not wanting Tommy to over hear them.

"Me? Why me?" Castle is horrified

"You're his father." Kate simply states.

"Sure, when it's convenient." Castle half jokes, but she can hear the undertones to that statement and she makes a decision in that moment to bite the bullet.

"And anyways, this is your fault."

"My fault? How is _this_ my fault?" He asks incredulously.

"Well _that_ movie certainly did not come from my DVD collection." She retorts.

"Touché." She's got him there. Alexis must have brought it over, he surmises. He looks at his son again. He hates to be the one to have to break that bubble of innocence especially since he seems so happy and feeling better today. But Kate has a point. This could turn out bad if he doesn't.

"Bud." He states t gently grabbing his leg as much to steady him as to garner his attention. He's totally focused though. A freight train could be coming through the room and he wouldn't notice. _Huh._ _Totally Beckett there_. He thinks. He doesn't ever remember sitting still this long. Well, he's not really sitting. He's actually hopping on the bed and singing his version of the song -very enthusiastically he might add. Perhaps there's some of the Rodgers gene involved as well. Despite everything this kid has gone through, he's actually happy and well adjusted and it breaks his heart to have to tame that joy.

"Thomas." Kate interjects as she shuts off the TV the only sure way to get her son's attention. "Your dad is trying to speak with you." Perhaps its Alexis's constant presence the past couple of weeks and reference to Rick as "Dad" or just the fact of Tommy's young age, but whatever the reason he seems to accept the moniker without question. Castle has a cheek splitting smile on his face. His eyes are sparkling with joy. He clears his throat to keep his emotions in check.

Kate's fears are momentarily tamed. That went easier than she thought it would go.

"Mama, Peter Pan." Tommy protests as he pouts.

"Listen to daddy first, and then you can watch the TV." Tommy glares at his mother but one glance at his mother' eyebrow perched high on her forehead as him sitting back down on the bed. He then turns towards his father and gives him his best puppy eyed look. "I know, Bud. You like Peter Pan. But you know little boys can't really fly, right. You can't fly, Tommy. Understand?"

Tommy nods his head in affirmation. "Need Pixie dust." He states smiling his best tooth less grin. "Tommy no fly. TV, daddy, pees?"


	8. Chapter 8

They sit around Dr. Davidson's desk eagerly awaiting the news. Castle is sitting next to Kate with Martha, Alexis, and Jim flanking in around their sides. Kate has her lower lip firmly encased and Castle is certain she is about to draw blood. He takes her hand and starts to rub smoothing circles over her thumb in the hopes of calming her nerves. This seems to do the trick and Kate smiles shyly and whispers a heartfelt thank you.

"So," Dr. Davidson begins. "I have the test results back and it looks like good news."

Castle lets out the breath he didn't know he was holding. "That's fantastic, Dr. What are my next steps?"

"Well, Mr. Castle. I'm afraid there's been a misunderstanding. You're not a match." Dr. Davidson replies in that irritating way he has of speaking to him but looking at Kate.

"But I thought you said there was good news." Kate interjects with a note of panic in her voice.

"Yes, we also tested Ms. Castle and Ms. Rodgers. As I explained to you before, Kate, siblings sometimes have a better chance of being a match than parents do."

"Oh." Alexis chimes in. "Does that mean it's me? I'm the match?" She queries.

"Yes, that's correct. " Dr. Davidson confirms.

"Ok. So what are _my _next steps?" Alexis asks eagerly sitting on the tip of her chair.

"Well, there will be a complete physical exam first and then if all goes well then we remove the Bone Marrow from your hip bone under general anesthesia. It will require a 24 hours stay in hospital and there may be some pain in the area. Complications are rare." The doctor smiles in assurance at the young woman.

"Ok. Let's do this then."

"Alexis." Kate starts and then stands up and gestures towards the door. "Can I talk with you outside privately?"

"Uhm, sure." The two head out into the corridor and Kate begins to pace the hallway. The clicking of her heels on the linoleum floor a source of comfort to the detective's frayed nervous.

"Alexis, are you sure about this? I don't want you to feel like you're being pressured into doing this."

"Kate." The use of her first name has her stopping. It's the first time Alexis has referred to her other than Detective Beckett. "Tommy is my brother. No matter the past, I want him to be in my future. If there is something I can do to help with that, then I'll do it."

"Oh, Alexis, thank you." Kate exclaims as she wraps the girl in bone crushing embrace. "I don't know how I can repay you for this."

"Kate, I'm doing this for Tommy and for my dad because they deserve a chance at happiness together." What's left unsaid is just as clear as if Alexis had uttered the words out loud. _This is not for you_. And that hurts more than she would like to admit. She wants, no needs to try and fix some of this mess.

"Alexis, I know now that keeping Tommy from his father, from his family was an awful mistake.  
And believe me when I tell you that I'm sorry for that. I know that my words can never make that up to you. I just hope that one day you'll be able to forgive me. Your dad is a wonderful father and you're the best sister Tommy could ever hope to have. I need you to know that I will do _anything _it takes to give Tommy the family he deserves." Alexis notes the tone of sincerity in Kate's voice and her demeanour towards the detective softens a bit. She has not forgiven her, not by a long shot. It's going to take a while to repair the damage and mistrust. But she can take this first step and give them all a fighting chance at happiness.

"Just promise me that no matter what happens between you and my dad that Tommy will always be in our lives." Kate takes a step back and lifts the younger woman's chin so she is looking directly into her eyes.

"Alexis, I promise you this, as I promised your dad. I'm done running. And if things between your father and I don't work out..." _I'd be devastated_ doesn't get said. She doesn't really want to think of that as an option. "I won't stand in the way of Tommy knowing his family ever again." Alexis nods her acquiescence and once again the pair embraces.

"So now that that's settled, why don't we go back in and get this show on the road. I have a lot of time to make up with my little brother and I can't wait to show him off."

"Let's go then." As the two women make their way back into the room, Kate notices Castle nervously fidgeting in his seat. She takes her place next to him and place a warm hand on his knee.

"All good?" He asks. She nods her head in affirmation.

"So, Dr. Davidson," Alexis begins. "How soon can we get this done?"

"So assuming Tommy continues on his current path and there are no further complications, I would say within the next week or so. I can have my secretary run some dates by you and we can get it scheduled. The good news is that if all goes according to plan you should all be able to spend the holidays at home."

"Really?" Kate chokes out a sob and unconsciously leans into Castles side.

"That's fabulous." Martha chimes in.

"But I must add, It would be in Tommy's best interest to limit the number of people that's he's around during his recovery, especially younger children."

"For how long?" Kate queries- a nervous expression flitting across her face. "The less exposed he is to germs during his recovery, the better for him. I would say six months at the least." Kate nods in understanding. _Six months at the least, wow. Ok, then. Daycare is no longer an option. She's pretty much used up all her accumulated vacation time. She'll need to take an extended leave of absence. It would have to be unpaid though; despite Gate's having her back-there is only so much she can ask for. She would have to dip into her trust fund and probably move in with her dad to make ends meet. It wouldn't be ideal, but it could work._ Years of in grained self perservance and self reliance win over any thought of Castle or the ability to ask him for help. In fact, it doesn't even cross her mind until she hears him speak.

"Won't be a problem, Doc." Says Castle confidently. Kate looks at him perplexed. He turns to face Kate placing his back to the Dr.

"You guys can move into the loft. You won't have to worry about anyone looking after him while you're at work. I can work while he naps and I'll get to spend some quality time with him in the process. Everyone wins." He whispers. He would rather have this conversation elsewhere away for the good Dr.'s prying ears, but that doesn't appear to be an option now. Not when Beckett looks like she's ready to bolt.

_What? No, Wait, _"Rick! No. I am not moving in with you." Kate stage whispers. _What the heck? Move in with him? Is he mental?_

"Kate. It would only be temporary until Tommy's better. It's in everyone's best interest I believe."

"Katie, I think you should seriously consider Rick's offer. " Her father interjects with a glint in his eyes. This is just the kind of push his daughter needs. She shoots her father a death glare. _Seriously, dad? Not the time to be playing match maker. You're supposed to be on my side._ She hopes she conveys her meaning but her father is just staring stoically back at her.

"Yes, darling, I believe Richard has some valid points." Martha concurs. Now Martha is agreeing too and Kate's world feels like it's shrinking. She needs some air, wants to get up and leave. But she won't. She can't, she promised.

"But Martha, Alexis, this would totally be uprooting your world. I know the loft is spacious, but 5 people is a bit much." She tries appeal to their sense of reason. Her relationship with Alexis is tentative at best and she has no idea how things will work out with her and Castle. Is this truly the best option?

Meanwhile, Castle has been having a silent conversation of his own with his daughter. He knows he just threw this out there without consulting her. He's never done that before. This is a life altering decision that she should have some say in, but he has just taken it out of her hands. He just hopes she can see how much this would mean to him.

"Kate, Grams and I don't mind. As far as space goes, I have an idea." Alexis states and Kate holds her breath certain that Alexis's proposal s will be her first test to try and prove to the girl that she can be better. She desperately wants to build up that trust, but at what cost? She nods for her to continue.

"Well, since you would be living at the loft, and your apartment would be empty, maybe you and Grams could switch." She suggest hesitantly.

"Oh, Alexis, that's a brilliant idea." Martha agrees enthusiastically. Castle has never been more proud of his daughter than he is now. He's beaming. He can see Beckett wavering. She's back to biting her lip.

"Martha are you sure?" _What am I doing? Am I really going to do this?_

"Of course, dear. I think this is a wonderful plan."

"So, Dr. Davidson, it looks like it's all planned out. No need to worry. " Castle states confidently as he turns back to address the doctor sliding one arm over Kate's shoulder trying to calm her fraying nerves. _It'll be ok_, he wants to convey.

"Well, that's good then. Alexis, I'll have the receptionist contact you with some possible dates and will be in touch." The Dr. taps the file closed on his desk and pushes back from his desk signally all that the meeting is adjourned. Kate can't help feel that the Dr. is trying to hide some irritation behind his professional demeanour. Then she looks back at Castle and can't help but smile at the shit eating grin plastered across his face. Ya that would do it, she thinks.

As they all make their way out of the doctor's office, Kate grabs Castle's elbow to hold him up as all the rest shuffle past.

"We'll go back to Tommy's room, Kate. I'm sure you and Dad have some things you need to talk through." Alexis says as she walks past.

"Thanks pumpkin." Castles states so grateful to his daughter for her understanding. This could have gone all kinds of bad.

"Castle are you sure about all this? This is really huge step. Living and taking care of a sick child isn't going to be easy. I can't ask that of you."

"Kate, since when has anything between us been easy? I know it's going to be a challenge. But I think that together we have a better chance of rising above it. And you're not asking, I'm offering. "

"Ok then." She agrees still nervous about how all of this is going to work out. How's she going to tell Tommy? How will he react? She knows he likes Alexis and Castle, so he really shouldn't freak out unless she's freaking out. She can do this. She takes a deep breath and tries to calm herself down.

"I can't wait to decorate and go Christmas shopping." Castle rattles off excitedly. And then it hits her. What's she got to worry about? His joy of life is contagious. Tommy deserves the happiness and joy and brightness that Castle is willing to offer them. For once in her life she decides to let it all go and just go for it.

"Yeah, Castle, about that, only one Christmas present." She chides straight faced just to see what kind of reaction she'll inspire from him.

"But Kaaaate." He whines. His reaction doesn't disappoint and now she wonders what she's gotten herself into with not one but two children it would appear.

"I'm joking, Castle. Seriously, though thank you- for everything." For giving her a second chance, for being such a great father, for opening up his home. She owes him so much. She leans towards him then and places a small kiss to the corner of his lips. Castles reaction is instantaneous and as he wraps his arms around her. _My dreams really do come true_. He thinks. He has a possible cure for his son and the love of his life in his arms.

"It's just the beginning, Kate. The best is yet to come."

_The End... for now... maybe_

A/n: So I know that I said there were nine chapters, but as I was editing before posting I combined a couple of chapters to make the story flow better. I know that there is a lot more left to explore but at this point this is the end. If there is interest, I could be persuaded to continue this little universe. Let me know your thoughts. Your feedback and constructive criticism is always welcomed and appreciated.


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